Thursday, January 27, 2011

Looks right to me...

I found this amusing... Not too far from the truth regarding how many resumes are put together ;)


Anonymous Anonymous said....

A few years ago I got a resume from a guy who boasted 18 years Oracle experience, 19 years of SQL server experience and some 20 years of DB2 experience.
As a consultant, I worked at a lot of sites. It turns out he replaced me at another site when I left and lasted about 6 weeks. At this particular site, you could know absolutely nothing and last a lot longer than that.
Curiously, he left off his work at that site. I recalled his name when some of the workers at the old site called me with questions and complained about him.
But what really had me recall the name was the fact that he put such experience in the resume that it had to be complete BS.

(This has to be anonymous!)

Fri Jan 28, 09:34:00 AM EST  

Blogger Byte64 said....

I don't know the situation in the US but here (Italy) job ads invite you to "sex up" your CV:
it happens all the time to read funny stuff like:
leading company in the XYZ market (this is obvious, they are never standard companies...) is looking for a candidate with at least 10 years of experience as Oracle and SQL Server DBA, with in-depth knowledge of Unix, Linux and Windows, C/C++, Java, Javascript, JSP, HTML, AJAX, CSS, bla bla. Fluent english is required and knowledge of another language is a plus.

Then in case you apply, you discover that they are willing to pay 1500 bucks per month at best, with a 2 months contract.

This is what we call "to celebrate the wedding party with dried figs".


Fri Jan 28, 03:22:00 PM EST  

Blogger Stew said....

And what are applicants thinking of these days? We just advertised for an experienced Oracle programmer (SQL and PL/SQL) and got 5 resumes, only one of which listed Oracle experience, and that was from a DBA who seemed to spend all his time studying for and taking the Oracle DBA certification exams! Two of the "candidates" were still employed, so why would they waste our time when they clearly weren't qualified?

Clearly they hadn't seen this comic yet, otherwise...

BTW, we didn't bother to contact any of them back.

Wed Feb 02, 03:17:00 PM EST  

Blogger Thomas Kyte said....


you should contact them - to tell them why they missed the mark.

Ask the ones with no Oracle experience why they would waste their time and your time? I would.

I find a little shame goes a long way sometimes. If people are never told "hey, that was really a waste", the might never even know it.

Wed Feb 02, 03:21:00 PM EST  

Blogger Gary Myers said....


If you didn't get *any* resumes matching your requirements, then there could be a lot of factors involved.

Perhaps other criteria in the ad meant no-one (or no-one who saw the ad) fully met the criteria or was interested.

Maybe some of the unqualified people thought that, if no one qualified applied, the employer might consider hiring someone and training them.

Wed Feb 02, 05:30:00 PM EST  

Blogger Stew said....

Tom, thanks for the suggestion. It makes sense to help them learn. On the other hand, they've already wasted enough of our time...

Thu Feb 03, 10:03:00 AM EST  

Blogger SeanMacGC said....


Do you have an address for those CV submissions (if Tom doesn't mind)?

Merci beaucoup

Fri Feb 04, 08:55:00 PM EST  

Blogger Stew said....


Huh? Um, no, they're not online.

Sat Feb 05, 12:34:00 PM EST  

Anonymous Anonymous said....

Some of it is the fault of requirement writers. If I post some of the requirements here, it will be material for good laugh. For example, some companies want an "Oracle DBA" with experience in SQL Server. They have no idea that experience in SQL and SQL Server are two completely different things. It is not always the candidate to blame.

Fri Feb 11, 08:53:00 AM EST  

Blogger Byte64 said....

I just came across this job ad, it's an excellent example of what i meant in my previous comment:

It looks like a complete nonsense to me.

Tue Apr 26, 05:24:00 AM EDT  


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